PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
