Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
