Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
