how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
too bad you live with your parents still
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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