If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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