Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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