Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
