thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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