Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
