I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I party with great urgency now.
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