Duck Duck Cougar?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
