So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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