I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
MIDGETS
????
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
