I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
