did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Randomize
