I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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