worst night to have a conscience
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
