I want to have your abortion
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
