Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
