There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
