mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
