Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just high enough for therapy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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