Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
