Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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