guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
