Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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