The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
