TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
