I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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