Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drake has all the answers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
