Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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