I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
