Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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