then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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