I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
