Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize