Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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