Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
