i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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