U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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