The maid of honor just puked.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just had sex bonerless
high people should be assigned attendants
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
