Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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