youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
