Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're like the curious george of whores
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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