oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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