i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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