I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
