i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
