i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
