What did we do last night that was yellow?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
