On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
