I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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