Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
