I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
