Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
