My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize