my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
