did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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