Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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