I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
