I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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