Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
