Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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