how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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