I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think my fart just growled at me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize