I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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