I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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