it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
